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You’re on the side of a horrible dirt road leading to a trail passing out pulaskis and grubbers and some fucking maniac in a hot pink car comes rocketing up BLARING mama’s broken heart by miranda lambert. You are either a teenager or you are in charge of teenagers and either way youre probably borderline manic from either being a teenager or from looking after them and you’re about to do hard physical labor for the next 8 hours barring your OSHA mandated two 15’s and a 30. You’re hungry, youre tired, it’s like 7 in the morning and you slept on the ground last night. I want you to imagine with me for a moment working for a conservation corps. Not the sort of maniac to own a hot pink nissan juke, which looks like somebody made a croc (the shoe) into a car.Ģ) pull up to work playing the exact same song at the exact same time and getting out of my car and greeting people the exact same manner every single day, giving the impression that i’m caught in some kind of time loop. A real “i buy clothes at tractor supply and your republican dad’s garage sale” vibe. Picture cargo pants that zip off into cargo shorts. Maybe I’ll even buy multiple sets of the same outfit to wear every day. In order to accomplish goal number three i will:ġ) continue to look exactly how i look, which is like if a witch transmogrified a 2005 subaru outback into a human dude. I want photos of my car on shittycarmods and idiotsincars) 3) make everyone i work with think that they might be hallucinating me.
For good or for bad is up to you but it is changed. My goals here are threefold: 1) have a car nobody can steal because who the fuck would want this thing other than me 2) make everyones day either better or worse (because if you see this car your day is changed. And i’ll have a papillon riding around in the front seat, and my chainsaw in the back
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My license plate will either be MANLET or DOHRT or perhaps EMPLYD.